I sit, watching the sunrise through the window in recovery. Pinks and oranges slowly warm the sky and evergreens and the earth slowly comes to life under the golden sun. Beyond the curtain, I watch the NICU team working on Enzo. I know he is bigger and doing well for now. I am relieved to be close enough to hear the soft murmurs of these "angels" in blue caring for my son. I'm in shock... I'm not pregnant! Didn't we just go through this? Deep breaths usher in clear thoughts as I attempt to wrap my head around Enzo's early arrival.
As I'm tranferred to my room, Scott is still at Enzo's side. I breath a sigh of relief as I'm told he is 2lbs 7 oz. Tears trace my cheeks as the doctor says, he is NOT intiabted... but just on a nasal c-pap machine and room oxygen! Praise Jesus for protecting our Enzo. Waves of relief start to enevlop me, knowning things are so different this time around than they were with Leo. Excitement reaches my face and I can't help but smiling and praising God for this miracle.
That afternoon I meet Enzo for the first time and my heart triples in size instantly. My 2lb buddle of joy is beautiful, with dark hair and perfect fingers. He recognizes my voice and is soothed as I caress his hand. Tears trail my face looking at my beautiful son. His perfect form amazes me, and I am anxious for the day I can bring him home.
The week has been long and physically painful. I lost 1700 cc's of blood between my abruption and surgery. Day 1 post op, I was given 2 units of blood. Day 2 post op, I was given 2 more additional units. My incision is the worst one I've had; bruised from my panty line to the bottom of my pelvic bone. The pain has been quite intense. But, despite it all, I am BEYOND BLESSED! Holding my tiny son for the first time changed my life forever. There is nothing I wouldn't endure for him.
I am back in the hospital again due to horrible pain. An abdominal CT scan revelaed that I have blood in my abdomen. Since Friday, I have been laid up trying to get my pain under control. Things are finally improving this Monday morning, and hopefully we will have some real answers after more tests this morning.
As I held Enzo last night against my chest, my heart soared. This precious baby is so incredible and already such a fighter. I long for the day to take him home. For now, I can settle with soft caresses and stolen kisses on his tiny cheeks.
God has been preparing me for this for some time. My patience and strength are all from Him. I know that He is control of everything and that my role is being the best mommy I can be to Nevaeh and Enzo. I am so blessed to let go of my need for control in order for Enzo to get the best care he can get. It is so hard to leave his room at night, but it also means another day closer to bringing Enzo home.
We are beyond blessed to have our family and friends on this journey with us. Your prayers for our family are so touching and just show the strength and healing of the power of prayer!
I will be writing more updates as things progess. Thank you for your continued prayers!
With Love,
Scott, Kellene, Nevaeh, and Enzo
